THE OPINION

My Dad's cooler than your Dad.

2006-04-09T07:33:00.000+01:00

Proof, if that's the sort of thing you're after, that what was once a subcultural phenomenon has well and truly become mainstream: when your Dad emails you to tell you he's started his own blog. Here it is:http://talkingsnake.blogspot.comHaving only glanced at it at two in the morning I can already tell you that it's a blog with a purpose, and therefore immediately more worthwhile than, for

Let There Be Stuff

2006-04-08T15:42:00.000+01:00

A linkstravaganza.Firstly, let there be sphreric lounge, a huge and German ambient electronica resource I just happened to happen upon this morning.Second, let there be Blog Mad, another another another blog directory-search engine-surf exchange for those of us who just can't stop publicising our wonderful selves.Third, let there be Parkour, for the adventurous and wreckless.4. Let there be the

Ancient Noise.

2006-04-03T00:37:00.000+01:00

Now then: if this shouldn't be the standard form used to determine a person's overall worth, and in fact their very personality, I don't know what should. I love question 11. It could have so many meanings.Yes, noise. Creaking, whistling, cracking, blowing, flowing, slopping, pouring, echoing, building, fizzing, popping, dropping...I find that these days, the first thing I do when I come home

Oblations, Obligations

2006-04-01T06:30:00.000+01:00

On April Fool's Day, can you trust the weather? Last night I slept naked and with the window open, enjoying the ambience of the rain with all my senses. Nobody has actually tried to convince me of the quality of flowers; I have received ridicule and incredulity only. Whohar.The solution, as I see it, is to eat a hearty breakfast, have a shower and put on a nice, clean shirt and a comfortable

The greatest picture ever taken in the history of the world.

2006-03-31T21:23:00.000+01:00

This picture gives me hundreds of reasons to go on living.This picture is proof that existence and the universe are fundamentally good.This picture makes me so happy I want to wet all of my pants at once.

Oh good, another "new music" station.

2006-03-31T18:28:00.000+01:00

Yes, amid a flurry of fantastical advertising featuring babies dressed as all your favourite "alternative" and "indie" stars like the Gallagher Brothers, Meg and Jack White, Franz Ferdinand and that fat band who walked off Top of the Pops for being called fat, XFM Manchester was launched today. Or maybe it earlier this week. Recently, anyway.This is obviously a good thing for popular music,

Picture Never Taken

2006-03-31T10:03:00.000+01:00

On my way home the other night from wherever it was I was, I passed a bus stop, one of those shelters that seem to have been built not, primarily, to keep people dry while waiting for the bus, but rather to maximize public advertising space. (Because of course, when you're waiting for the last bus home in the pouring rain after 18 hours of urban experience, what you really want is to breathe a

Change my mind. Go on, I dare yer.

2006-03-29T16:28:00.000+01:00

You might think I'm living proof that romance is dead.You might think I'm a heartless urbanite who's lost all sense of awe at the beauty of nature.You might think I'm just your typical man who refuses to get in touch with his feelings.Well, you're wrong.But I can't lie about this: I just think that flowers are overrated.

Delving deeper into the divine mind.

2006-03-28T20:31:00.000+01:00

click thisand thisNow this will make more sense. Relatively speaking:Me:Hello GodGod:Hello child. What is your name?Me:Jonny. We spoke yesterdayGod: It's good to see you, Jonny. Of course I remember you well Jonny. We were talking about .Me:about what?God:What about what?Me:what about what about what?God:what about what? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.Me:Never mind. I

E is for Australia

2006-03-27T23:43:00.000+01:00

It would be whimsical of me to 'review' V for Vendetta in any conventional sense: all that really needs to be said about it is that when Natalie Portman asked Stephen Fry, "Is everything a joke to you?" and he replied, "Only the things that matter", it instantly hit me that there, if such a thing were ever possible, was, in a single phrase, my entire philosophy of life.And that any film which

Chatting to the Almighty

2006-03-26T22:26:00.000+01:00

Go here if you feel like talking directly to God. I did, but I soon started to have my doubts I was actually talking to the all-knowing creator of the universe. Here's what happened:Me: Hello?God:Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?Me: My name's JonnyGod: I am always glad to make new friends, Jonny.Me: But I thought you were God. Don't you already know who I am?God:Are you doubting me?

Ross II

2006-03-25T20:00:00.000Z

RossRossRossRoss! Yes, Ross is back to blog another day or month. Who cares? You should. Link to him, comment on him, applaud him, help him with his HTML, stand in awe of him. His blog has only one post, it's pink, and already it's better than yours. And, a graduate of the English language, he can't use "it's" and "its" correctly. And even then, it's still better than yours. So curl up

Fun incarnate.

2006-03-23T22:06:00.000Z

I defy all of you not to have hours and hours of fun with THIS.I defy all of you not to have hours and hours of fun.I defy all of you not to have fun.I defy all of you.I defy all.

Skype me, bitch.

2006-03-23T16:50:00.000Z

Thanks to the wonder of technology, it is now possible to talk to me. Free. You can pay me if you want, of course, but that won't be necessary. My laptop has now become a telephone. That doesn't mean that if you call it, I'll answer. But it does mean that I might. See my sidebar.

How to Die

2006-03-21T08:15:00.000Z

On 4th February 1912, Austrian tailor Franz Reichelt, dressed in a ridiculous overcoat/parachute of his own design, jumped off the Eiffel Tower in an attempt to fly or, failing that, float to the ground with at least some degree of grace and without sustaining serious injury. He failed, and fell swiftly to his death. You can view highlights from the last few moments of his absurd existence by

The Screaming Monks.

2006-03-20T16:25:00.000Z

Those of you who have ever been to the charming isle of Iona will know just how tiny it is. How remote, how quaint, mysterious, ancient and delicious. It's an island off a larger island, Mull, which is itself an island off a much larger island, Britain.You'll also probably know that's it's one of the spots where Christianity first found its mischievous little way to this part of the world,

The Fooking Books, Man!

2006-03-19T18:14:00.000Z

It is my correct opinion that The Books are one of the greatest bands of this decade. I just can't stop listening to their ridiculously superb album, 'Lost and Safe'. I can't. Not that I've tried: why would I want to? But it's really very important that everyone who values me as a friend and themselves as a person find some way of listening to it, even if that means the frightfully quaint way

Arrive feeling businesslike!

2006-03-18T21:43:00.000Z

Yes, what could possibly be more wonderful than travelling at astonishing speeds in a comfortable, luxury train at the cutting edge of technology, the Intercity 125? As Jimmy Saville himself explains, this truly is "the age of the train".And as the Sinclair Spectrum ZX+ explains, it's time to enter the world of 8bit gaming!They're only about 2.5MB each, download them. Nothing could provide

Mr Kieran Andrew Mitton, BA Honours

2006-03-18T10:11:00.000Z

What an exquisite pleasure it is to see Kieran blogging again. His blog is better than yours and, not infrequently, better than mine.

Adam Longbottom

2006-03-16T03:11:00.000Z

Turns out someone who was in the same year as me at school, whose bottom was no longer really than yours or mine, is now an academic electro-acoustic-ambient-abstract musician in Leeds. This is unexpected, but then, what isn't?www.adamlongbottom.co.uk

Reasons to Blog

2006-03-14T19:10:00.000Z

Well, kids, it's list day.And here is my list. By popular demand.1. Everything you do, say and think is so interesting and important that millions of people you have no connection with whatsoever are just dying to read all about it.2. You're a failed/frustrated/out-of-work/retired/incompetent/delusional journalist/novelist/salesman/philosopher/social critic/cult leader.3. Finally, as you sit

Children!

2006-03-11T18:26:00.000Z

For reasons not entirely clear to me, and which therefore I obviously welcomed, at 3:30 this afternoon two small children were standing on my desk drawing willies on the whiteboard. Hyperactive and inquisitive, as all the best children are, they asked me every question that could be asked that begins with the words, "what's this?" I gave them answers, paper, pencils and highlighter pens, they

The Individual and The Person

2006-03-09T19:21:00.000Z

We say "everyone is equal" despite many obvious reasons to believe this isn't true. Some people are clearly and undeniably great. Some people aren't. Oscar Schindler was not equal to Adolf Hitler. James Blunt is not equal to Morrissey. Most individuals are simply average, and none of us are entirely identical. What we mean by saying that everyone is equal is that everyone should be treated

Royal Decree

2006-03-07T07:04:00.000Z

Today, I demand that you use the phrase, "all of a sudden" at least once in your communications with your fellow human beings. Because it's a good phrase and should be used more often. Your king has spoken.

An actual conversation.

2006-03-06T21:06:00.000Z

Receptionist: "OK, what's your name again? Jonathan...Swift?"Me: "No, he wrote Gulliver's Travels. It's Bradshaw".Receptionist: (laughing) "Oh yes, I'll call you a taxi then. Take a seat".I wonder whether Jonathan Swift ever got mistaken for me. And if a taxi from the future arrived to pick up Jonathan Swift, he'd get in it. And what it would be like to discover that I actually wrote

My Pornographic Debut.

2006-03-03T19:19:00.000Z

Hail Ming!

2006-03-02T18:30:00.000Z

Sir Menzies Campbell, everyone's favourite cuddly liberal with that old Scottish name, which, through a wonderful accident of semantics and history, is pronounced "Ming", was elected new leader of The Liberal Democrats this afternoon.The Liberal Democrats, for those of you who don't know - those of you who, through other historical accidents, aren't from Britain - are the most popular political

Day of Pancakes

2006-02-28T17:21:00.000Z

How wonderful it is that there's a whole day each and every year devoted entirely to pancakes!Though, alas, I have just learned that in the land of America they don't really celebrate pancake day very much. It's tragic. It's inhuman. It's just not acceptable. Us Brits really should set up a pancake donation fund to have shipped off to America by the Red Cross. Millions of starving Americans

Respect the morning, and it will respect you.

2006-02-22T11:09:00.000Z

I am a morning person. I am probably the greatest ever morning person. I love mornings and everything about them. Recently, this love manifests itself very precisely: through getting up very early. (Understand, you must, that you can be a morning person without getting out of bed until lunchtime, as long as you're actually awake. I'm only going to stretch the concept that far. I'm allowed

2006-02-21T11:09:00.000Z

More evidence that Radiohead are back at work again. But poor Phil! Poor Phil Selway, drummer, Samaritain, bald handsome stranger. Why isn't he playing his drums? Why are Yorke and a Greenwood ignoring him? Don't they appreciate that he's the real brains behind Radiohead? Apparently not. I demand a Phil Selway solo album. Looks like he's got time enough to make one. Go on, Phil. I won't

Morrissey Continues to Be Better Than You.

2006-02-19T18:36:00.000Z

Here is the cover of the next Morrissey album, 'Ringleader of the Tormentors'. It's not even been bloody released yet, but you can pre-order from the highly efficient amazon.co.uk now, if you want to, and you do want to. That much is obvious. What's less obvious is, although Morrissey finally seems to appreciate that he really must wear a tuxedo ALL THE TIME, is his playing the violin part of

The OPINION: The T-Shirt

2006-02-16T21:02:00.000Z

Yes, if you really want it, you can have an exclusively designed wve.blogspot.com t-shirt, featuring a custom-made tag cloud of the most frequently used words on this blog. What more could you want? Some perspective? A sane concept of value, perhaps?Click here to have a look. (Don't worry, it'll open in a new tab or window)I'm not selling these or anything, so I don't care either way if

How to like 'Infidels' (part 1)

2006-02-16T18:06:00.000Z

It's not easy to like 'Infidels'. At times it's deeply unpleasant trying to like it. At other times you even wonder whether 'Infidels' is going out of its way dislike you. This you might expect from Bob Dylan himself. Legally, Dylan has the right not to like everyone in the world. (Check the constitution. It's in there). The sleeve, to begin with, is hardly welcoming. Dylan sports what

A fact.

2006-02-15T12:17:00.000Z

If you find zombo.com irritating, it's only because you have no imagination.

BEHOLD!

2006-02-14T05:57:00.000Z

www.worldbeardchampionships.com beards / moustaches / hair

Obviously Compulsory

2006-02-11T21:42:00.000Z

All albums are concept albums. Obviously. But some are more obviously conceptual than others, obviously. Obviously, the 11th release from the superdooper filtro netlabel, which is obviously that label's 11th release, 'The Novel I Never Wrote', is just such an obvious concept album. To begin with, it's human nature to wish that you'd thought of making an album called 'The Novel I Never Wrote'

Are YOU a rational animal?

2006-02-09T15:24:00.000Z

Well, are you?Elsewhere, Thom emerges, cars fly, I stumble, books get vandalised, brilliantly, laptops go to hell, I wonder if this is real and try and make sense of this.

I've decided that these tests are infallible.

2006-02-09T15:02:00.000Z

Your Reputation Is: Mystery GirlYou're the girl that everyone is trying to figure out.Men are attracted to your intriguing persona - and women want to copy it!What's Your Reputation?

New Morrissey song on myspace!

2006-02-07T05:46:00.000Z

That's right. Go to www.myspace.com/morrissey to listen to Morrissey's next single, "You Have Killed Me". Scroll down the page to be confronted with the entirely implausible statement, "Morrissey has 10296 friends". No he doesn't. Just some raincoated lovers' puny brothers. His new album is to be called "Ringleader of the Tormentors". Does that sound like an album by a man who has over ten

The Inevitable Consequences of Self-Belief

2006-02-06T19:54:00.000Z

As anyone who has ever watched daytime television or read a magazine in the dentist's waiting room can tell you, if you believe in yourself you achieve anything. But how often have you, personally, actually taken the time to put this theory to the test? I suspect not often enough. To start with, what does it really mean to "believe in yourself"? Probably nothing, it's too intangible. Let's

Is this the greatest photograph ever taken?

2006-02-04T11:03:00.000Z

Ross

The Art of the Fart.

2006-02-03T01:43:00.000Z

Everybody farts. There are some girls that claim they don't, but they do. They just don't do it in public, and particularly not around men. They find it not to be in tune with their aura of feminine grace, or something. There are even some men who won't fart around other men. These men are homosexual.Yes, farting is universal and unavoidable. It's as natural as breathing, downloading music

Imperfection.

2006-02-02T04:06:00.000Z

Oh, by all the lonely souls of Hades, I have the flu. Why me? WHY? Have I angered the gods, or the government? Why is it not common knowledge yet that I deserve nothing but happiness, security and riches? I have been in bed since 6pm yesterday when I got home from work, and there's no reason why I can't go for a full 36-hour sleep-a-thon. I am taking a day off from existence. Make the

Oo yeah.

2006-01-31T19:22:00.000Z

Thank you to everyone who succumbed to my shameless comment-mongering yesterday. If only I could properly reward you all with a picture of myself in my tiger costume. Which does exist, but not digitally.Meantime, here's a story about someone who you may well never see a picture of, in any form. A strange tale from the Orient indeed.You can comment on this post too if you want, but it's not

I demnd that everyone who reads this post comments on it.

2006-01-30T18:48:00.000Z

I've become a victim of my own myth It's OK, if you're reading this, you're cool enough to comment. So do it, otherwise you won't be cool enough to do it again.

Continuing Woe

2006-01-28T09:52:00.000Z

I miss John Peel

The end of quality.

2006-01-26T16:01:00.000Z

I love podcasts. Much, much better than radio broadcasting, simply because you've an audience of maybe 50 (if you're lucky) and absolutely no quality control whatsoever. Is this a good thing? Of course it is, because it encourages wreckless creativity, wild flights of fancy, the overload of the human brain with uselessly useful junk-everything, and extortionate levels of ego-massage and

Lost: Is it good, or is it just addictive?

2006-01-21T19:23:00.000Z

With television, it's very hard to determine the difference between what's addictive and what is actually good. This is partly because nothing that happens on television is, almost by definition, "good". Television isn't meant to be good: that isn't why it was invented. Television is meant to be distracting, escapist, a source of ambience (much like a fridge or - more accurately - a blender)

2006-01-20T09:01:00.000Z

and you go downstairs on your second day off for some porridge and a cup of instant coffee. You turn on the television. It's Michael Barrymore, with lots of wrinkles on his forehead, doing the washing up. It's not entertainment.

2006-01-19T15:25:00.000Z

you're just appreciating yourself for all the things you've achieved on this, your day off, when someone from work calls and tells you have another day off tomorrow. You're thankful and excited, in awe of the possibilities for self-improvement that have suddenly opened up. Powered By Qumana

Time Over Time

2006-01-19T10:17:00.000Z

One day off when you work full time is worth at least three months on the dole, when every day is a day off.I'm ashamed to admit this. I liked being on the dole. You can pretty much do anything you want when you're on the dole, as long as it doesn't involve spending any money. I like my job too, but when you have a job, and therefore also money, you can in theory do anything you want, even if

The Man Who Forgot How to Tie His Shoelaces.

2006-01-12T16:12:00.000Z

I have recently been a victim of surely one of the trendiest of crimes of the moment: bank fraud. Someone somehow stole £260 out of my bank account - an account, I might add, that didn't have that much money in it to begin with - and spent it on mobile phone top-ups and gambling. Not the wisest of purchases to make with someone else's money, if you ask me, but of course nobody did ask me.

Against.

2006-01-12T12:43:00.000Z

Perhaps I am missing something, perhaps I'm just too old - alternatively, perhaps I'm just right, but it seems to me that this man:is essentially just this man:minus charisma and a decent singing voice. What's more, he isn't even from the north. There just isn't a real need for him at all.Perhaps he's something approximating a very poor imitation of this man:Then again, perhaps not.And why is

Flaming Mice.

2006-01-09T22:26:00.000Z

Don't pretend that you have any sympathy for the man in this story. Despite his enormous misfortune, his suffering is far outweighed by the comedy of the situation. And you know it."A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze..."Read more...

Where is the love? Not here, that's for bloody sure.

2006-01-09T19:29:00.000Z

Has there ever been a pop group more irritating than the Black Eyed Peas?The answer, of course, is no.

VHEMT

2006-01-09T17:02:00.000Z

Today and tomorrow, I am going to find myself mostly preoccupied by the thoughts and theories of the The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.Worth thinking about, methinks. Although on the other hand, completely ridiculous.

Ain't Nobody Gonna Burn Me, Man

2006-01-05T19:36:00.000Z

The mighty theologian of the blogsphere, my good friend and housemate "Sven" has come up with an enthraling, baffling and probably controversial sequel to his famous "What's your theological worldview?" quiz. I'm pleased to report that according to "Are you a heretic?", I'm not. So put down your leather bound bibles and flaming torches and leave me alone. You scored as Chalcedon compliant. You

The Audible Opinion, Episode 4

2006-01-05T19:04:00.000Z

Ten minutes of my life, unedited and uncompromising, right IN YOUR FACE!Includes the sound of me making a cup of tea for myself and other people in my house, talking briefly to the cats, and helping someone what video to watch in bed.It's REAL. It's EDGY. It's self-indulgent and, at times, a little dull.It's The Audible Opinion, Episode 4.audioblog

Artist Binds Feet in Desert, Loses Key.

2006-01-05T13:17:00.000Z

I'm trying to work out what exactly this story could be seen as a metaphor for. Anyway, I particularly like the last line: "He brought it down with him," Ford said. "It was a pretty good depiction of how a chain would look wrapped around your legs."

Compulsory Downloads #45, 46 and 47

2006-01-04T20:59:00.000Z

What sort of "new" year would it be if I didn't dump several complusory downloads on yo' ass, bitches?From the lovely and increasingly prolific Filament Recordings netlabel (any chance of a button so I can link to you more prominently, chaps?), here's 'Bldurn' by Poborsk and 'Every Moments II track 10' by C-MuOr for those of you looking for something a bit more Japanese, here's Niji by UA.

Lament.

2006-01-04T16:08:00.000Z

Oh Beth.Why have you deserted me?I think listening you sing "Roads" at 3am on my walkman, travelling along the bleak motorways of Northern France in August 1998 was the first time I felt really at peace with the world.I don't feel like that every day, you know.I take Prozac now, so most days I don't feel anything at all. It's nice, but not as nice as you.Sing to me again. Please.I'm sorry I

Stumbling.

2006-01-02T20:35:00.000Z

I'm having addictive levels of fun with the wonderful www.stumbleupon.com. It's the very essense of usefully useless. Download a toolbar (you can never have too many) and come across more sites you're likely be able to waste time on than you even have the time to waste time on. If you're astute, you'll have noticed how quickly my "distractions" section of my sidebar is growing. This is

Predictions for 2006, part 1 of maybe 1.

2006-01-01T17:39:00.000Z

1. Thousands and thousands of people will die. The majority of these deaths will be unnecessary, although a sizeable portion of them will be funny. Some will be both unnecessary and funny.2. The Pope will say something that somebody, somewhere disagrees with.3. Former contestants of reality television shows will no longer be allowed to claim benefits. Nor will they be allowed jobs. This

Let fate decide.

2006-01-01T17:36:00.000Z

Your New Year's Resolutions1) Get a pet pig2) Eat less lard3) Travel to Alaska4) Study abnormal psychology5) Get in shape with naked yogaWhat Should Your New Year's Resoluton Be?

A profound and inspirational new year's message from Jonny to the rest of mankind.

2006-01-01T00:10:00.000Z

...and, as always, be your own breakfast.

Actress, 29, seeks giant gorilla, 29 feet.

2005-12-28T22:06:00.000Z

1. With the release in 2001 of The Pianist and now in 2005 of King Kong, it has become apparent that the guiding purpose of 21st century cinema is the creation of as many films as possible in which Adrien Brody wears really nice suits.2. King Kong is a story of unrequited love between Naomi Watts, an Australian, and 'Kong', a giant gorilla who lives on an island with dinosaurs and all manner of

A Post Designed to Generate Diverting Advertising

2005-12-26T12:12:00.000Z

The cold lemon shop.Fantastic discounts on bright ideas!A glass of hot fruit juice poured seductively over a pigeon.The only possible defence against aural monkey warts.Chores for whores with paws.A small universe for the average casino holder brieface.Transvestite frog tricks.Milk.Digested throughout the holiday from theatre.Miscellaneous words drapped over the sides of oil rigs.Fish

The Man Who Fell Over and Couldn't Get Up

2005-12-22T23:37:00.000Z

Things have a tendency to finish prematurely. This is the explanation for the rather pathetic length of thisrecorded spontaneously on my way home from work. Had my batteries on my dictaphone not run out less than one minute into this delightful saxaphone (Simpsons?) seranade, you would also hear my afterthoughts on the situation as it unfolded, which were as follows:While waiting for the first

Behold the Businessman

2005-12-20T18:51:00.000Z

It is estimated that over half of the workforce of the entire industrialised world is involved in one way or another in "business". This is all the more staggering when we note that the majority of those employed as businessmen are completly in the dark as to what business is, or even if it exists at all.In a recent survey of 1000 randomally selected businessmen who had been in their particular

Humbugs.

2005-12-19T23:11:00.000Z

Christmas: bleurgh. Christmas can sod off. I'm going to have a January sale of my own, and sell lots and lots of my stuff, or just get rid of what I can't sell. If you're looking for something, I might have it. If I do, you can have it, for free. Ask and you shall receive. Bollocks to acquiring more stuff. I don't need any more stuff. Stuff just gets in the way of living a life that is

Kieran Wrestles with Fate

2005-12-18T21:02:00.000Z

I defy anyone to come up with a caption worthy of this picture.

Tombstone Blues.

2005-12-17T17:47:00.000Z

There are people who doubt and question the brilliance of Bob Dylan. I'm here today to remind you that these people are mistaken."John the Baptist left a-torturing a thieflooks up at his hero, the Comander-in-Chief, saying, 'tell me, great hero, but please make it brief,is there a hole for me to get sick in?'The Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a fly,saying, 'death to all those who

Listen to Lomov.

2005-12-14T18:09:00.000Z

I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person on earth who gets excited every time Lomov release(s) another album. It's unlikely: surely there's hundreds of eccentrically shaven-headed electroberlinbots who lap up Lomov's every fizzing spark of ambience, but I haven't met any of them. Perhaps I never will. It doesn't matter. This, as far as I know is the third (possibly the fourth, I'm looking

Truth.

2005-12-14T00:03:00.000Z

There's something thrilling about waking up at midnight.

So then I said....

2005-12-13T16:53:00.000Z

"I think it's important to distinguish between people who have genuine mental health problems and who need help, and people who just need a good kick up the arse".

Music for Your Brain (Compulsory Downloads, Supplemental)

2005-12-12T21:14:00.000Z

Why is it that there are so many people who only listen to certain kinds of music? Think how critical we'd be of people who only looked at certain colours. For whatever reason, the ear gets away with all sorts of things the eye never could.This is no good.The most complex organ in your body is your brain. The self, whatever exactly that is, comes from the brain. This may or may not be an accident

Mormon Girls are Coming to Town.

2005-12-12T17:05:00.000Z

Manchester, this morning. Consumption a-plenty. Christmas shopping: a new form of national service. Fashionable people everywhere with small phones, small handbags, and small imaginations. But then there's these Mormon girls. They're smartly dressed and smiling innocently. They wear long skirts. They're attractive in a completely sexless way. Which is of course their job.They asked me if I'd

I still exist.

2005-12-12T08:09:00.000Z

Hello friends.I still exist. Don't forget.

God Bless The Coral

2005-12-09T10:47:00.000Z

The mainstream media mostly panned this album.The mainstream media mostly have no imagination.The world would be a much better place if the mainstream media did not exist.Perhaps soon the mainstream media won't exist. Perhaps all that will remain are blogs, and conversation. Don't be mediated. Be the media. Immediately.

The Amazing Christmas Questionnaire

2005-12-07T07:17:00.000Z

OK then....but something tells me an American wrote this so I'm not promising I'll understand all of it, or any of it. 1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?"Egg nog" is something happy American families drink at Christmas in films and sitcoms but never think to explain to the rest of us what it is. How inconsiderate. Is it just liquidized eggs? I bet your houses smell delightful at

2005-12-06T17:00:00.000Z

NO!"There's not much point in making your grandmother a CD of the best death metal tracks from 2001..."Whoever wrote this needs a good seeing to.

Compulsory Download #44

2005-12-05T19:51:00.000Z

In case you haven't already done as you're told and downloaded Marvin Suicide episode 42 (see previous post) do as you're told now and at least downloaded this extract from a 45 minute piece, "Dreams Edit B" by the late, great Delia Derbyshire.

Wisdom

2005-12-05T19:27:00.000Z

"It has been said that your heart is the measure of your soul. However, one has to know one's heart before turning to the soul. It has also been said that in order to truly see into one's heart one must look through the anus. Therefore, if I truly wish to measure the worth of my soul, I must first place my head up my arse". Yes.Let us salute the genius of Marvin Suicide. (Particularly episode 42

Oh Mercy Me

2005-12-05T16:05:00.000Z

As I may have mentioned before, I love music. I also love everything that surrounds music; what many are inclined to call "the music industry". Though there's a lot to hate about it, when you look at it through the lens of that label. There's also a lot about it that makes no sense to me at all: why so many like James Blunt, for example, or why people vote in "Pop Idol".There's also the whole

How to Spend Money

2005-12-04T18:40:00.000Z

OK, so you've got a full time job. Now what? You will notice that before too long working at your full time job, money will begin to appear in your bank account on a regular basis, perhaps as often as once a week. Now it is important to remember that money matters only insofar as it is part of life, and the only thing that matters in life is life itself. And life can be one long laugh or one

2005-12-02T08:18:00.000Z

“While modern capitalism constantly develops new needs in order to increase consumption, people’s dissatisfaction remains the same as ever. Their lives no longer have any meaning beyond a rush to consume, and this consumption is used to justify the increasingly radical frustration of any creative activity or genuine human initiative — to the point that people no longer even see this lack of

2005-12-02T07:38:00.000Z

Hmmmmmmm.

Country Plunged into Chaos by Soft Flakes of Crystalised Water

2005-11-28T09:36:00.000Z

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, otherwise known as "England", was plunged into an age of darkness, chaos and despair this morning as several centimetres of snow fell from the sky in the space of just eight hours. Schools and offices were closed and roads blocked off as mass hysteria took hold, with children refusing to go to school and adults suddenly and unpredictably

Imagine there's no Lennon (God Bless Banksy)

2005-11-27T09:47:00.000Z

Ahhhh.....................I'm glad that people like Bansky exist.People who say things like this, and mean it.Bansky

What is ambient and what is not ambient.

2005-11-27T01:59:00.000Z

It's easy to say that Brian Eno invented ambient but better to say that Brian Eno named ambient. Ambient music has been around forever. The Big Bang was ambient, as was God's appearance to Moses in the burning bush, as was Parmenides' dream-descent to Tartarus, as were the trenches of the First World War and the stock market crash of 1929.If it has an audible beat, it isn't ambient. If the point

2005-11-26T08:28:00.000Z

Here is a "quiz" that's going round. It's not the greatest quiz I've ever taken, to be frank with you, but I filled it in anyway. It's the weekend now so I'm sure I can cook up a superior one at some point, should I be so inclined. You're meant to fill it in yourself and spread it around. It's called "fun". 1. What is your full name? Mr Jonathan Clive Bradshaw, MA (Honours)2. What color pants are

Things I have learned this week.

2005-11-24T19:43:00.000Z

1. Fax machines are crap, in just the same way as the mechanical ducks put together by eighteenth century inventors who came up with the idea for robots are crap. Just as these were robots with nothing really robotic about them, so fax machines are devices for sending email with none of the advantages or convenience as, say, a device for sending email.2. In north Manchester, it is relatively easy

My Second First Day at Work

2005-11-22T21:42:00.000Z

Yes, I have become a working man and that's really all there is to say about that, for reasons not entirely my own.Though it did occur to me yesterday morning listening to Crowded House on a crowded bus, that being encouraged, everywhere you and at all times to take the weather with you, is terrible advice to someone who lives in Manchester. That sort of behaviour isn't going to endear you to the

Marriage and Travel

2005-11-19T16:27:00.000Z

Time, time, time

2005-11-17T15:27:00.000Z

Yesterday, I went to meet a former romantic aquiantance of my best friend, of whom I have known for seven years, but never previously met. The whole experience was natural and charming, and so was I. Tomorrow I visit the land of Sheffield to attend my second cousin's first wedding, all posh and secular in a fancy hotel, in my new and tremendously comfortable pin-striped suit. Today, I do

Google Image Search

2005-11-15T22:36:00.000Z

"Fear"

The Work Ethic.

2005-11-15T18:16:00.000Z

Next week I begin my first full time job, working for a top secret government organisation the details of which I am not at liberty to discuss. Suffice it to say it will involve a lot of directionless conversations, encouragement, caffeine, logistics, shepheard's pie and sleep. It's a thrilling prospect, really. Not that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed almost a year of

Radio Free

2005-11-14T15:04:00.000Z

Looks to me like Last.fm wants to do for digital music what Technorati's doing for blogs. Only came across this site today, and I think it must be relatively new; either that or practicing the ultimate in over genre-fication. Many genres apparently "don't have enough content" for you to actually be able to listen to them.The whole site is all very zeitgeisty and so Web 2.0 it hurts. As with

2005-11-13T22:41:00.000Z

Your Monster ProfileMad GazeYou Feast On: ArmadillosYou Lurk Around In: SwampsYou Especially Like to Torment: LawyersWhat's Your Monster Name?

Guilty Pleasure

2005-11-13T13:28:00.000Z

It was about 10:30 last night when I realised that I actually like Keane. This isn't the sort of realisation that's likely to sooth you into a worry-free sleep. The most surprising thing about the whole situation of realising I liked Keane was that it came to me while listening to Keane. The most surprising thing about the whole situation of realising that I like Keane, while listening to